come_sailaway | ★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

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★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

Who: jinx & YOU
When: all throughout july
Where: all throughout the boat
What: giving this catch all way a try. things that will happen with her during this month. some will be open & some will be private. all jinx's top-levels, her phone texting, and her one-on-one will permanently go here for the month.
Warnings: jinx suffers from mental illness. such as the following - schizophrenia, hallucinations, PTSD, & separation anxiety. these may or may not happen in this log.

❝i'm a beautiful disaster;a reckoning❞

This is where the card content goes!

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WEEK 1 (07/03 - 07/09)
█ NATSUNO ➜ 07.04 ➜ TEXT/PRIVATE.
█ VENTI ➜ 07.06 ➜ TEXT/ACTION.
█ EKKO ➜ 07.06 ➜ TEXT/ACTION.
█ JINX ➜ 07.09 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 2 (07/10 - 07/16)
█ EKKO ➜ 07.11 ➜ ACTION.
█ MAXMILEN + VENTI ➜ 07.13 ➜ TEXT/ACTION (CW: DRUG/DRUG USE)

WEEK 3 (07/17 - 07/23)
█ JINX ➜ 07.20 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 4 (07/24 - 07/30)
█ EKKO ➜ 07.29➜ ACTION

(07/31)
█ JINX ➜ 07.31 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

coding credit to

thisismanx

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ the wind hears the call of his name, even unsaid in the desperate prayer in the throes of pain; he locates her swiftly just as max leaves and he could see the silhouette of jinx alone now at the bridge. does shimmer have a scent--if so he could feel it near electric in the air, otherwise the brightness of her eyes sudden in the dark is evident enough. he could recall the time he'd first seen her after she'd 'returned' and she claimed herself changed, newly and fractionally inhuman.

the wind curls around her warm, and then in a flutter of feathers venti is there besides her, his own eyes near a-glow with fierce concern. ]

Jinx--

So this was what you were planning to do. [ his touch goes to her arm, light and ghosting just to her shoulder. he'd asked a while ago if this would be addictive or if there would be withdrawal... it seemed that question answered. ]

Are you all right?

(honestly, she was so busy with her conversation with max just moments ago, she had forgotten during the injection she had called out to him in a panic. so when he appears before, she is surprised -- eyebrow raising on how in the world did he exactly knew where she was. her glowing pinks meeting his greens but then quickly evades the gaze. jinx isn't ashamed, hell no, but this was something she was trying to keep it under wraps somehow.)

(she keeps still and mute with the turn of her head. what is there to say really? all the evidence lies right there before him; there's no need for words or explanation. so if he wishes to tend to her now bruised arm, he can -- she won't stop him.)

...

[ there's no judgment or anything, just concern. just the presence of him light by her side, then he goes to sit beside her, at first keeping a bare distance between them when he always has in the back of his head that she requested him not to touch her.

but when so often she's in trouble or pain he has such difficulty holding himself to that limit. he's not a healer, he gently holds to her arm, a look only of worry to where she must have been injected, then--

his arms go to her shoulders as he takes her in a light hug. not saying anything either, simply offering what comfort or support he could at the moment, when she's fresh off the drug and how it must be affecting her. ]

(jinx was expecting more questions and maybe even a scold from him. well, he isn't the type to scold pre say, but she figured he would go on in a drown-out speech. but what happens instead is being pulled into this light hug. her eyes widen slightly; a bit flubbergasted.)

I'm okay now. Really... just feeling cloudy.

(it's the best way she can discovered the effects of shimmer she can do but even so, she relaxes in his hold. her arm growing crazy sore and doing all that she can to not move it.)

Thank you for coming for me.

Edited 2022-07-24 05:53 (UTC)

I always will. I heard you call for me, in your heart and that unsaid prayer. [ a cry for help doesn't have to be said aloud; he could feel it when someone might plea for him in a time of crisis, like when she'd taken the drug, in the midst of that pain. and he too would be careful not to jostle her arm.

there might be a time for scolding but even so, he wouldn't be the one to deliver it. other gods might judge; he specifically was the one who didn't want to, he could provide what he could, if only it's just his presence. ]

Do you need... would it be better for you to rest elsewhere? Back in the theatre? [ instead of out here, right in front of the captain's door. like right before a dragon's lair. ]

(in truth, her body itself, doesn't need to rest. she can feel its fire swirling around her veins -- the need to jump up, sprint, skip, to do something wild. its thirst to just move about and not to lie still like this and even the pain that's on her knee where she bitten herself, it faded and she can move her leg so freely as if it's nonexistent. she can avoid failures now and it's so lovely. but if only mentally, her mind is doing the same. it's fogged, worn-out, and exhausted. these weeks so much has happened and it's becoming hard for her to just catch up with her running thoughts when they rush by.

it's been difficult to make sense of things -- questioning what's real and what isn't. are they real or are they fakes? are they clones? is it truly scientifically impossible or is there's a hidden variable they are all over looking? jinx tugs away just a bit from their hug but only to look over him. she flash him a warm yet tired smile as she leans in -- having their foreheads touch; their noses bump just a bit. 'i always will' those little three words echo for her and although her arm is aching, she links them around his neck. he didn't abandon her, he didn't ignore her, he heard her and now he's here. she's important, she means something to him, she's not tossed aside like she always feared.)

(her light cares and is right beside her just like long before when things got insanely complicated. despite going through this painful process, her body feels full and no longer running on empty, her light is in her embrace and bathing in his glow, all that is missing is ekko holding her too to give her a dose of his love and affection. ~~vi and~~ fio's cute giggle and smile gleaming whenever she looks over. a gentle hand of lumine's touching her shoulder or holding onto her hands with her soft whispers "it's okay". tears are swelling and jinx isn't entirely sure why. she's isn't sad at all or in pain but maybe just overwhelmed with.... who knows?

she sniffs as she shifts to move her head to rest on his shoulder; a sigh leaves her as if it's been something she held for days and finally can be let out. venti asked her something and she should answer:)

Theatre is fine...

(and then —)

— I love you. (a beat.) Before you jump to conclusions, not the way you're thinking. I mean, in a general sense. A-As a friend, a person, heh, as an ex-God like you always tend to point out so much. I just... felt... (she trails off for a split moment.) ... it's something you should hear from me. After everything we've been through, y'know?

Edited 2022-07-24 15:14 (UTC)

[ he would care always, with the ache and wist of the wind from a faraway world. one of the very worst parts of being long lived is the pain of care, for places that might change through the centuries, for people that he grows attached to and in a mere couple of decades they might be gone. from the very moment they met and he saw her rage and tears he knew that he had to try to be there for her. and the moment he wasn't... it was after he died, it was after he'd fucked up his bonds with those he cares for most, he'd almost left his own mind entirely and then he found out that she'd died alone.

he couldn't do that to her again. though he'd pledged to give her space and he had, it was remarkable how nearly every day or week nearly crawled by with how he missed her; the hope that they could repair this is like a light or warmth in his chest, that he could possibly recover what they had or strengthen it. his arms go around her shoulders once more, by now it seems she didn't reject his touch, they could return to be like this. ]

I understand completely.

And you likely know, or you should know, I love you too. [ an all-loving god would take in humanity under his wings and grace. this includes her, or anyone suffering like her most of all; gods could have favorites. ] I've told you always that I care for you. I want to believe that I can be better, for you or anyone on this ship. I wouldn't leave you again, so long as you keep my name in your heart.

[ and then his lips press a kiss to her hair; simply and purely fond. the affection of god, that he wants to aid. ]

(this feels like a fantasy and it very may might be. her mind is floating up in a cloud nine level where everything that's happening around her is so dream-like where anything is possible. the kiss to her hair is lovely and while he was once a god and may had many under his wings, to jinx, she feels the kiss reserved just for her. that this bond they created over the months is something only the two of them share and no one else. it may or may not be true but she likes to pretend it's something so unique to if one where to ask her describe it, there are no words.

she still doesn't approve of him and mizuki; something she will probably always disagree with. but at least what they have isn't this and jinx will continue to trick her mind to believe what she and venti have is infinitely better and powerful than what they have. and why? because that's just how she works and it just helps make her feel better about the whole situation.)

(in time, she does pull away from their embrace -- they really should get a move on before the captain shows up and question things. although, something tells her he probably wouldn't care. wherever he is, he's probably happy he had a taste of her agony for a moment there -- possibly now with a full belly until the next meal time. so when jinx stands up to her feet, it's extremely quick and it's very unintentional. he's able to see how the sudden alarming look on her face over herself just how quick it happened. slowly, she lifts up her hands -- moving them around and palm up as she takes in this feeling of shimmer.

jinx finds herself bitting her bottom lip to muffle in her chuckle. it's like she came back from the dead but unlike dying on the ship, it's as if coming back so fresh, new, and vibrant. when she takes her first few steps, there's a light sway to her. a hand brings up to comb through her bangs as she squeaks out another quiet giggle -- her body feeling in all sorts of tingles and ready to just act. but if only mentally she can follow along.)

Edited 2022-07-25 22:43 (UTC)

[ it’s the truth, the bond and bias he has to her is undeniable and probably wouldn’t quite ever be broken by him, even when he’s so quick to fly and ghost people there’s just something about her that he’s loath to leave from. he’d never lied when he told her that he wanted to be with her, whether as friend or even lover… even now there may be moments still he thinks back to their dance and that one kiss they shared. the memory of it even after he’d ruined it right afterwards. he does after all have that photograph of it still; regardless of what happened afterwards it would be a treasured memory for him still, the bittersweet moment that he knows he’d ruined but still stands as something priceless for him.

as much as he treasures mizuki, there’s the heaviness and baggage with him that’s absent with jinx. maybe he’s just going to keep staying as her fairy even now that she has ekko; it’s perfectly fine with him, humans belong with humans, he is a deity apart and above from them, he doesn’t quite have a place for himself closely to peoples’ lives. except perhaps for helping her however he can, always. he lights to his feet as well, watching over her cautiously as he can see the effects of shimmer really hit…

it’s a cause for concern, but this wouldn’t be the moment to judge or moralize to her, and he’s loath to do that anyway.

he gently takes her arm. ]

Let’s get going back to the theatre. [ as grounding as he can be to keep ahold of her, make sure she doesn’t do anything completely drastic like decide on a whim to kick down the captain’s door or, who knows, jump right off the ship on a fancy. ]

(for a split second, she somehow forgot that venti was with her. jinx doesn't react startled or jolted, simply blinking a few times to recall herself that yes, he is here, too. she doesn't protest nor fight him either when he takes her arm. in fact once he does, jinx inches closer to him while carefully making sure one foot goes in front of the other with the right amount of pacing.

she finds herself resting her head on his shoulder, too -- with a mixture of this feeling, she's getting a bit drowsy as well. though, she is doing her best to pay attention to her surroundings as they move along together even when she feels so light. it's as if all of her worries vanished into thin air; nothing mattered. all what's important is enjoying this feeling of invincibility.)

So this is what Heaven feels like...

(jinx murmurs this; sluggish. and it's probably for the best to not take what she says from here on out to heart or think too much on it. she's at a state she will probably say all kinds of things or if one can even make out what she says if her words get all tongue-tied.)

Edited 2022-07-27 03:13 (UTC)

[ she probably doesn't mean that it's heaven to be with him... still, hearing that makes his face heat, terribly flattered before he could try to reel in those silly feelings and try to reconsider what she's talking about. she's this out of it from being drugged after all. it must be the high she's talking about, is it...

she's under the influence, he should humor her. ] I'm sure Heaven could be even more comfortable when you're resting in bed! [ she could sleep off this buzz, probably. when he's in the midst of a binge or bender he could sure pass out anywhere, but he'd hope to get her somewhere soft to rest her head first.

so, off to the theatre so he could lay her down and make sure she's secure. let's get her home, or as much as it counts on this ship. ]

With me? Just like we use to...

(there was once upon a time the two of them he would sleepover in her cabin or his to cuddle. and with her trying to think back on it, her mind is foggy on the minor details but definitely remembers the singing part.)

Ekko hates me right now anyway so he won't be waitin' for me. So why not spend time with my other favorite?

(her main toy will get over it... maybe. if not, then it'll just mean giving her other toys more attention if they need her.)

[ oh my god...

he wants to. he honestly does. in a 1000% totally perfectly platonic way and normally he'd have no worries in helping himself to snuggle but... well, mizuki is rather easily-jealous, he could suspect ekko wouldn't be pleased at this, and honestly jinx probably wouldn't be either once she sobered up from this drug loopiness. ] Ah...

I think I'd pass, thanks anyway~ [ ugh. it's rather tempting though. he misses cuddling with her. so dumb...! ] And I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Let's not assume of others' feelings now, hm?

(with a soft rumble of her throat, she resumes rest her head on his shoulder as they stroll -- idly grabbing her braid to sway it lowly back and forth.)

Hmm... ― All this time and you're still rejecting me. How boriiinnng.

(at least there's no real disappointment in her voice or sadness. it's more like a statement; a lazy one at that.)

Edited 2022-07-29 01:46 (UTC)

I'm not rejecting you. Actually, I think I've always had a hard time with doing just that...

I'm trying to be thoughtful. What a rare occasion that is, for me! Perhaps you could ask me again when you're sober, or even ask Ekko if he minds because I'm sure he wouldn't be happy even if we'd just take a nap innocently in bed.

[ actually, he's pretty sure mizuki wouldn't be happy either but. ah, well... he really should be better at communicating with him.

anyway, time to fly them up back to the rafters, he'd carry her lightly in his arms if she's still woozy. ]

(she is most definitely woozy so he will have to carry her. and in his arms, she wastes no time nor hesitation to rest her head against his chest. letting out of a soft breath, she continues to mutter sluggishly: )

Whateeverr. I'll find someone else to sleep with. I'm stayin' up, though. I can't sleep by myself anymore. — Bad things happen when I do.

(meaning, her nightmares had gotten so severe she is literally unable to unless there's another person in the room. it's a shame but such fate when one wishes to consume or inject themselves with shimmer.)

Edited 2022-07-29 15:38 (UTC)

... What 'bad things' would this be?

[ it's a relatively uneventful journey back to the theatre when he could rest her to the bed, look down upon her with a kind of resigned fondness. he really does just want to crawl under the sheets with her but... oh, what an idiot he is. he could sit alongside her on the bed and simply hold her hand, right? couldn't that be enough? ]

You could contact Ekko if you'd like, I'm simply worried about you being alone or doing something strange while you're freshly drugged.

My nightmares are really bad now. I would get 'em every night 'till I asked Ekko to come over one night as test. See if I would... sleep better.

(she shut her eyes for a moment -- not falling asleep, she said she wouldn't. it's more so because the room is beginning to spin just a bit the more she tries to keep her focus on anything.)

Then I started to sleep better 'cuz someone was in the room with me. And sometimes Rin wants to hang out with me and he sleeps over, too. — Just as long as I'm not alone, I'm okay...

[ ah, nightmares...

maybe a bit of mercy for being long-lived is that, of course, he has them too. but over thousands of years and being a demigod who regularly hibernates for centuries on end, even bad dreams might blur over for him. bad dreams, bad memories, eras, the lives of those he cared about would just pass by. ]

I don't suppose we should move you again to your cabin and see if Rin might be in. If you'd like, I could contact Ekko. But if he's opposed to you taking Shimmer...

Perhaps you could just lie here and we can talk until you sleep. ... Or, I could sing to you a lullaby. One that I hope may bring sweet dreams.

Let's talk and sing. Your doll self said he would sing to me. So you gotta do that.

(nuzzling more onto the mattress, she grabs the covers to get herself situated and by then, she extends out her hand for him to hold.)

We still have so much catchin' up to do.

Hm, I might have a song in mind then.

[ one of the oldies that often plays on the radio or in karaoke; he would keep a gentle hold on jinx's hand as he sings quietly to her, eyes half-closed trustingly, offering as much comfort and sweetness as he can in the lilt of his voice.

In this world we're just beginning
To understand the miracle of living
I was afraid before
But I'm not afraid anymore

Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?
Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth
They say in Heaven love comes first
We'll make Heaven a place on Earth

heaven, he hopes, wouldn't be the fresh hit of a troubling drug. it could maybe be moments of quiet peace like these, hand-in-hand with her. ]

(she hadn't noticed until now just how much she missed his voice; his singing. and even with her eyes closed, she smiles warmly while entwining their fingers together. she hopes they can have more moments like this -- sweet long moments of the two of them enjoying each other's company. two of them singing, laughing, talking, loving and trusting each other.

her ball of light sure is lovely and sometimes she can't help but to wonder if she deserves someone as caring as him. she's done so much, said so much, hurt and killed others. and yet even so, here he is still hovering and aglow. if only there's something she can do for him -- something that hasn't been done before. he is receiving kindness from others, he is getting love from mizuki, and there has to be something that she can give him that only she can provide -- something special. but what would that even be? her light seems to have everything it could possibly want, why else would it shine like this?)

I've missed your singing.

Edited 2022-07-30 07:15 (UTC)

[ he lets the song end naturally, to trail in a pleased hum as he gently laces their fingers together, gives hers a soft squeeze. and then a quiet admission, ] I missed yours, too.

I would sing to you any time, you know. Or perhaps we could sing together like we used to, whether at karaoke or anywhere else. Anytime you might like.

Once you recover from this, of course.

[ he might be more comfortable offering what he can to people rather than receiving much at all. ]

I don't know many songs so you'll have to teach one.

(shifting in the mattress, she positions herself so she can look at him better as she opens her eyes -- letting her thumb brush along the skin of his index.)

... I never said sorry about shooting you back there. I... don't really remember doing it. Not all the way through, anyway. Is there somethin' I can do to make up for that? You get one "jinx freebie" card.

Ehe... right, you did do that. [ he is so damn biased he could be shot and kind of... shrug it off. but he is inhuman, he does think it better that he was shot than anyone else.

he could ask for something silly, but maybe more important than that-- ]

Could I ask, maybe...

That you don't attack Caitlyn, for at least one week?

[ a big ask but if he could broker some peace, maybe this could work for a little while. ]

Edited 2022-07-30 22:13 (UTC)

★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

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cw: under the influence; high feeling

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